Improving your English writing skills is essential for effective communication, especially when preparing for exams like the Eiken. In this article, we’ll analyze and correct a student’s essay on the topic: ‘It is often said that people today throw away too much food. Do you agree with this opinion?’ We will provide feedback and tips to enhance clarity, coherence, and accuracy.
Understanding the Topic and Structure
The topic of food waste is a common issue that many people are concerned about. To effectively address the question, you need to clearly state your opinion and provide logical reasons to support your argument. A well-structured essay typically includes an introduction, body paragraphs that present your reasons, and a conclusion that summarizes your stance. The original essay needs some structural adjustments to improve its flow and clarity.
Correcting the Original Essay
Let’s look at the student’s original essay and break it down:
- Original Essay: ‘It is said that people throw away too much food. I do not agree with this opinion. I have two reasons why I think so. First, this opinion is not kind to the environment. If we throw away a lot of food, more garbage are made by it. So it must be break earth. Second, it lose a lot of money. This is because the process of a lot of food uses too much money. For these reasons I mentioned, I believe decrease to throw away too much food.’
Now, let’s make the corrections and explain why:
1. Clarity and Grammar Corrections
The sentence ‘This opinion is not kind to environment’ can be rephrased for better clarity: ‘This opinion is not environmentally friendly.’ Also, ‘more garbage are made’ should be corrected to ‘more garbage is created,’ as ‘garbage’ is uncountable and requires a singular verb. Additionally, ‘break earth’ should be rephrased to ‘harm the earth’ for better expression. The phrase ‘it lose a lot of money’ can be revised to ‘it wastes a lot of money.’
2. Logical Flow and Structure
In the original essay, the points are stated but not fully developed. To strengthen the argument, more detail should be provided for each point. For example, after discussing the environmental impact, explain how food waste contributes to pollution, landfill issues, and resource depletion. Similarly, when mentioning the financial aspect, elaborate on how wasted food could have been used elsewhere or how much it costs businesses.
Revised Version of the Essay
Here’s a revised version of the essay with the improvements mentioned above:
- Revised Essay: ‘It is often said that people today throw away too much food. I do not agree with this opinion. I believe that food waste is a serious issue for two main reasons. First, food waste is harmful to the environment. When we throw away food, it creates more garbage, which contributes to pollution and fills up landfills. This, in turn, harms the Earth and accelerates environmental degradation. Second, food waste is a significant financial burden. The process of producing, transporting, and disposing of food wastes a lot of money. Instead of throwing away perfectly good food, we should find ways to reduce waste and make better use of our resources. For these reasons, I believe that we should take action to reduce food waste.’
This revised essay addresses the points more clearly and logically, with improved grammar and a stronger structure.
Tips for Writing a Better Essay
To improve your essay-writing skills further, here are some key tips:
- Be clear and concise: Make sure your ideas are easy to understand and that you avoid unnecessary complexity.
- Use examples: Support your arguments with specific examples and evidence to make them more convincing.
- Check grammar and spelling: Proper grammar and spelling are essential for clarity and professionalism. Always proofread your work before submission.
- Use transitions: Make your essay flow smoothly by using transition words like ‘firstly,’ ‘secondly,’ and ‘in conclusion.’ This will help guide the reader through your argument.
Conclusion: Enhancing Your Writing Skills
Improving your English writing skills is a gradual process that requires practice and feedback. By understanding common mistakes, revising your work, and implementing feedback, you can enhance your ability to write clear and effective essays. Remember, it’s not just about grammar; it’s about making your ideas compelling and well-structured. With these improvements, you’ll be on your way to writing better essays for the Eiken exam and beyond.
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